It's just not cricket!

So England, it’s that time again. That brief period in 18 months when people in my office say things to me like “Looks like Freddie’s gonna knock out your ponting” – Excuse me??? Is that some sort of innuendo good sir?

Yes, it’s the Ashes again. That one time in a blue moon where I hate being Australian, not because we’re necessarily bad, but because people assume that because I’m Australian, I should either know a lot about the game, or at the very least, care. I have to say right that I don’t feel strongly about either point. In my mind, the only sport more boring to watch than cricket is Golf, and at least in Golf they get to drive around in cool little cars, and Golf has even had a cool comedy made about it ‘Happy Gilmore’ even Tennis, coming up 3rd in the boring sports ever has had a half decent movie made about it, hell ‘Wimbledon’ even got some laughs out of me, and I don’t even like Kirsten Dunst!

I just feel like saying to people “can’t you enjoy your pathetic sport without getting me involved?” At the last Ashes test to happen in England, I was fortunate to come out of a conversation about the Ashes with more success than the entire England team did with their win. Here’s how it went.

Co-worker (guy) comes running into my office looking elated and jumping around whooping.
Co-worker: Ha ha, take that aussie, we did it we did it, woooo!
Me: What’s wrong with you?
Co-worker: nothing wrong you idiot, WE did it, we won the Ashes!
Me: what’s the Ashes?
Co-worker: Uh, hello only the biggest cricket game ever
Me: oh cool, whose playing?

Puzzled look on co-worker’s face at this point

Co-worker: what are you serious? It’s a purely England and Australian test.
Me: oh, ok so we played you and lost or something?
Co-worker: yeah you lost! We totally best your guys asses! For the first time in nearly 20 years.
Me: So, you guys haven’t even won in 20 years? you can’t be that good then.

Co-worker starts looking very angry and starts stuttering slightly

Co-worker: look okay, we won this time! Deal with it
Me: well, I guess it’s about time we gave you guys a chance to catch up then!

Peace and balls
xxx Peej